


Let You Down || Paul Abrahamian {BB19} *DISCONTINUED*

by Lucifers_Left_Lung



Category: Big Brother RPF
Genre: Comedy, Drama, F/M, Reality, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-16
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-12-02 17:58:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11514534
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucifers_Left_Lung/pseuds/Lucifers_Left_Lung
Summary: Sofia has been a fan of Big Brother since she was small. Watching the show was the only thing she and her father bonded over. So when she finally gets the chance to go on the show that means so much to her, she doesn't hesitate to accept.Unfortunately, though Sofia has learned to expect the unexpected, what she doesn't expect is to fall for a bearded loudmouth.©2017//Lucifers-Left-Lung





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sofia is portrayed by Lindsey Morgan.

 Cody was staring at me.

It was this intense stare that was beginning to make me uncomfortable, but I was biting my tongue. At the moment, Cody was the HoH and I was trying to go along with whatever he wanted to do this week, but this guy was just unreadable and, therefore, unpredictable. He had just had to put Christmas on the block after finding out that Paul had accepted the week's temptation and couldn't be nominated for three weeks. The look on Cody's face when Paul had revealed this twist had been priceless. I wasn't a huge fan of Cody as it was, but I had no real alliances in the house, so I was just going along with whatever.

But the more Cody stared at me, trying to intimidate me or read me or whatever the hell he was doing, the more I just wanted to do the opposite of what he wanted. Cody had told me to vote out Christmas over Jillian and I had been planning to do just that, honestly. But now the whole house was flipped upside down and all the alliances that had formed were basically obliterated.

"What, exactly, do you want from me, Cody?" I asked calmly, my eyes never leaving his.

Cody's usual frown deepened. "I want you to vote out Christmas," he replied.

"I'll think about it."

"You'll think about it?"

"Yeah. I'll think about it."

Cody didn't look too happy, but he pursed his lips and nodded once. I stood and left the room, heading downstairs to find Paul. He'd been pretty pissed at everyone about the fact that Cody was going to put him on the block. Of course, as far as I knew, no one in our alliance – not even Jessica – had known about Cody's plan. But I could see why Paul would be angry. Alliances weren't supposed to put each other on the damn block, especially not in week one.

Paul was outside by the pool when I found him. He was alone, putting sunscreen on, the sunglasses on his face showing me nothing of his eyes, just my own reflection when he looked up at me.

"Can I sit?" I asked him, indicating the seat beside him. Paul nodded, but didn't say anything.

For a few minutes, the two of us just sat in silence, which was a bit odd, coming from Paul. The only other people outside were Matt and Raven, who were on the hammock across the yard. I sighed and leaned back into the shade and out of the sun. "I didn't know he was planning to put you up," I said, keeping my gaze off Paul. "I don't know what he told everyone else, but he didn't tell me."

Paul finished rubbing in his sunscreen and sat back to look at me. "That's what everyone's saying," he replied. "It's a little hard to believe."

"Maybe, but it's true. Cody doesn't like me very much, and the feeling is mutual. I was in that alliance for the numbers, not because I liked the people."

Paul smiled and pushed his sunglasses up on top of his head. "So how are we gonna get him out, then?" he asked me.

I smiled.

* * *

"My favorite place I've visited was probably...Italy," I said. Raven and I were in the kitchen. She hadn't had the opportunity to travel much yet, but I'd been to many countries. I was a professional photographer, which meant I got to travel a lot; I loved it. Being stuck inside the Big Brother house was proving difficult for me. I was used to being out and about.

Raven grinned, her eyes wide like a child's. This made me smile even more. "What's it like there?" she asked me.

"Uh, it's amazing," Paul said, walking up beside me.

"Has everyone been to Italy?" Raven exclaimed, walking away.

"Can we talk?" Paul asked me, nodding towards the storage room. I nodded and followed after him, feeling nervous.

Once we were closed in the storage room, Paul looked at me somberly. Whatever he was going to say to me, it didn't look like it was going to be good. I held my breath, my heart already feeling like it was about to beat out of my chest.

Paul gave me his look, and I knew then that he was going to try to convince me to do something for him. My heartbeat slowed a bit; I'm not even sure what I had been expecting. Still, whatever he wanted probably wasn't good.

"I know you and Christmas don't really get along," Paul said, "but is there any way you would be willing to vote to keep her this week?"

The first night in the house, Christmas and I had had a falling out. It had been long overdue. The two of us knew each other outside of the house. I'd dated her sister and things hadn't ended too well there. Since then, Christmas had been waiting to see me again to give me a piece of her mind. Whether or not the producers knew that Christmas and I knew one another was still up in the air. Either way, we were here and it was clear that I was going to be one of her main targets. So keeping her in this house was not an option.

I shook my head. "She wants me gone, Paul," I said. "Why would I want to keep her around?"

"She wants Cody out, and Jessica, way more than she wants you gone."

"How do you know? Did you ask her?"

"I will keep you safe next week," he said, rather than answering my question. "I promise. But we need Christmas. She is a strong competitor and she wants those two out as much as we do. We could use her on our side."

I sighed. "Just because she's on your side, doesn't mean she's on mine."

"I told you I would keep you safe. You just have to trust me."

Chewing on my lower lip, I thought about it for a second. I needed Paul and the others. It was an unfortunate fact. If I didn't go along with the plan, I would probably lose them all. So, with a hefty sigh, I agreed to keep Christmas, hoping I hadn't just put the last nail in my coffin.

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

Trusting Paul was easier said than done for me, though just about everyone else seemed ready to do anything he asked. I liked Paul well enough and I did need him for my game, at least right now. Maybe everyone else had forgotten the Paul from last season, but I hadn’t. Paul was sly and could be a manipulator. He would do whatever it took to win, which made him dangerous. I was willing to work with him for as long as I needed to, but I would definitely be keeping my eyes on him and watching my back.

I had agreed to his plan to keep Christmas in the house. Maybe he was right and she did want Cody and Jessica out more than me. Hopefully. And hopefully Paul wasn’t lying when he said he would keep me safe. That was a lot of hope I was putting in this guy. He’d better not fuck me over.

Emotions were running high was we waited for eviction night. Besides a few people, everyone was pissed at Cody for blindsiding them. Of course, Cody was pissed that his plan hadn’t worked. So the house was basically split: Cody and Jessica were on one side, while Paul, myself, Dominique, Christmas, Elena, Mark, Matt, and Raven were on the other. Jason, Ramses, Alex, Jillian, Josh, and Kevin basically just stayed to themselves, at least game-wise. Paul going around, campaigning for Christmas to stay, probably wasn’t helping matters.

It was the night before the eviction when things with Cody and I hit the fan. He and Jessica were outside on the couch and I was making my way over to the hammock when he stopped me. I hadn’t spoken to him since he’d told me to vote out Christmas and I knew that’s what he wanted to talk about. I wasn’t in the mood to talk game, though. I just wanted to eat my taco and drink my tea and _not_ talk or think about the game. I should have known that wouldn’t happen.

“Have you thought about what we talked about?” Cody asked me. Jessica was eyeing me and Cody was frowning, as usual. Her feet were on his lap as they both stared up at me expectantly.

I sighed. “I did,” I replied.

“And?”

My first instinct was to lie about it, to tell Cody that I was going to go along with whatever he wanted. But there was no point. Jillian was going home and then Cody was going home. Everyone knew it, except, apparently, Cody and Jessica. They seemed to still think they had a chance. I wanted them to know that they didn’t. I was sick of them and their high horse.

“And I want her to stay,” I told them.

The look on both their faces changed to one of anger and disbelief. “What? Why would you want her to stay?” Jessica asked. Cody patted her leg and told her to keep quiet, probably so as not to make the target on her back any bigger than it already was.

“Look, I want you gone,” I told Cody. “You’re a liar and you’re cocky and rude and I don’t like you. You tried to intimidate me and you failed. Get over it.”

I turned to walk away, but Cody’s next words made me stop. “So you’re just gonna do whatever Paul says then.”

“I’m not Jessica,” I said snidely. “I don’t need a man to make my decisions for me.”

Jessica moved to stand, but Cody caught her again. “I _will_ make sure you go home,” she said as I walked away. 

* * *

 

Apparently, everyone in our little group had made the executive decision to throw the HoH competition to Paul tonight. I hadn’t agreed or disagreed, but I wanted that HoH. Like I said before, I hadn’t put all my trust in Paul. He wanted Cody out, I knew that. And he was probably the best person for the job. But with Christmas having broken her foot a couple days before, it was up to Paul and I to make sure Jessica didn’t win. I knew he was up to the challenge and would almost certainly win, but I preferred the odds of the both of us trying for the HoH, rather than just Paul.

I found Paul and asked to speak to him alone. I figured this would go more smoothly if I just told him what was on my mind, rather than simply trying to steal the HoH from him. And if it didn’t go better this way, well, I had tried.

“What’s up?” Paul asked.

“I’m playing for the Head of Household,” I told him. Paul’s face fell a bit, turned more serious. “Hear me out. Don’t you think it would be a safer bet for both of us to be playing for it? I know that everyone else agreed to throw it to you, and I trust in your ability to win, but Jessica is a strong competitor. And she’s gunning for us – for me and you – just as much as Cody is.”

Paul nodded. “So you don’t trust me,” he stated simply.

“I trust you,” I replied slowly, “I just trust myself more.”

“Okay,” he said, though I could hear the reluctance in his voice. “Do what you have to do.”

We all sat in the living room as Julie announced that it was time for the live vote and eviction. I glanced at Paul, who seemed to be purposely not looking at me. I sighed and looked across the table at Cody, who was glaring at me. Rolling my eyes, I stood and went to cast my vote to evict Jillian.

After she was gone and we were waiting for the HoH competition to begin, I turned to Paul. “You’re pissed, aren’t you?” I asked him quietly so only the two of us could hear.

Paul continued to look straight ahead. “Good luck,” was all he replied.

I was going to need it.

 


	3. Chapter 3

Paul was standing with the nomination box, facing the rest of us. I hadn’t won the HoH competition and Paul still wasn’t talking to me. Cody and Jessica knew what was coming, and as messed up as it sounded, I kind of envied them. At least they knew where they stood with Paul. I, on the other hand, had no idea what was going through his mind, or what he was planning to do. I’d basically undermined him when I had told him that I wasn’t going along with his plan to win HoH. And he had won anyway, leaving me alone in the house and in the game.

In short, I was an idiot.

“The first person I have nominated is…” Paul said, turning the first key. Josh’s face appeared on the memory wall. “The second person I have nominated is…” He turned the second key and I wasn’t totally surprised to see my own face appear on the memory wall. My stomach dropped to my toes and I forced myself to look at Paul. He gave some lame excuse for nominating Josh that we all knew was bullshit, and then he looked at me. “Sofia, I have nominated you because I trust you, but I trust myself more.”

I literally bit my tongue to stop from saying something I would regret. Everyone else seemed a bit confused about what Paul had just said, which was a bit confusing for me. I figured he would have told the rest of the group what I had done. Apparently, he had decided to keep that to himself, for whatever reason. It didn’t really matter. I was on the block either way. And I was pissed about it.

As the house dispersed, everyone going their own way, I asked to speak to Paul, following him up to his HoH room. He could undoubtedly tell that I was angry about what he had just done, but he didn’t seem too bothered about it. In fact, he was smirking as he held open his door for me. It was very difficult for me to keep my attitude in check as I took a seat at the small table and waited for him to sit across from me. He opened a bag of chips and just looked at me as he ate.

“If you didn’t want me to go for the HoH, you should have just said so,” I said, keeping my eyes on his.

“I told you to do what you had to do,” Paul replied. “I did what I had to do.”

“What the hell are you talking about? You didn’t have to put me up.”

Paul shrugged. “I needed two pawns. Josh agreed to be a pawn, Alex agreed. But I thought putting you up would be more fun.”

Was he being serious? Putting me up would be _more fun_? This was my game he was messing with. I didn’t find it too damn entertaining. “So glad you find this funny,” I said angrily. “This is my game you’re playing with, Paul. So if you really aren’t mad that I went against you, I’d prefer you just leave me alone.”

Paul sighed. “The plan is still to backdoor Cody, okay? You messed with me, so I just wanted to mess with you a little. I promised you that you would be safe, so you’re gonna be safe.”

I wasn’t sure if I could trust the crap Paul was telling me, but I tried to pretend that being on the block didn’t really bother me as I went back downstairs. Everyone else in our little group thought I had been in on the plan and that Paul had just not told them about it. They weren’t angry with him because they were happy that they weren’t the ones he’d put up. So everyone and everything was just hunky dory.

Deciding to go pout alone rather than in front of everyone, I took some chips and a glass of soda and went outside to sit on the hammock. Jessica and Cody were already there, so I opted for the couch, laying on my back and staring up at the California night sky. I was going to leave the issue of me being on the block alone. Everyone seemed to think I was a pawn along with Josh, so I would keep it that way. No drama, no reason for them to get me out instead of Cody. I just had to keep my head down and hope Paul was telling me the truth.

Alex sat on the couch by my head. “I didn’t know you agreed to be a pawn,” she said.

“Me either,” I replied, already going against the promise I’d just made myself.

Alex scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion. “So Paul wanted you on the block?”

I shrugged. “Not really. I asked for it. The plan is still to get Cody out, as far as I know.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. Everyone wants Cody out. You’ve got my vote to stay.” Alex patted me on the arm and stood to go back inside. At least I seemed to have one friend.

After a while, I went back inside to see if Matt wanted to play a game of chess. It was something we did almost every night. We didn’t talk game at all, that was a rule. Playing chess was meant to clear our minds of the game, a sort of stress reliever. Whether or not Matt and I were actually allies in the game, at least we had our chess.

Unfortunately, Matt was already sleeping when I went inside. With a heavy and bored sigh, I went and gathered all my dirty laundry. Most of the house was heading to bed, so I figured it would be a good time to catch the washer and dryer empty. I heaved my full basket of laundry outside and stopped about halfway to the washing machine. Paul was sitting on top of the dryer, swinging his feet. He was wearing sunglasses even though it was technically nighttime.

“Sorry,” I said awkwardly. “I’ll come back.”

“The washing machine is empty,” Paul said. “Go for it.”

Pursing my lips, I went over and started putting my dirty laundry into the machine. I could feel Paul’s eyes on me, but I made it a point to ignore him. Maybe I was being petty, but I didn’t really care. I was on the block and Paul sitting pretty in the HoH room. Not to mention, he couldn’t be nominated this week or the next. Playing games with my safety wasn’t something I took lightly.

“I’m sorry,” Paul said suddenly. He caught me so off-guard that I did look at him then. I rarely heard Paul apologize to anyone. It didn’t seem like the Paul thing.

“What?” I asked, just to be sure I’d heard him right.

Paul cocked a brow. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have put you up.”

“Thank you. Doesn’t really help my current problem, but the fact that you apologized means a lot.”

Paul shook his head. “You’re not going home. When are you going to trust me?”

I snorted. “When you don’t put me on the block.”

“Touché,” Paul said.


	4. Chapter 4

Since Paul and I had had our talk, things had actually been pretty good. Of course, it had only been about a day since then, but I was feeling a little better about my position in the house and where I stood with Paul. That didn’t mean I fully trusted him, because I definitely didn’t. Paul was a wild card. But he was also in power, and held my fate in his hands. So I was willing to be civil and give him the benefit of the doubt, if only to save myself.

Matt and I were playing our daily game of chess, deliberately not thinking or talking about the game, when Paul peeked out his door and asked if he could talk to me. I sighed, wanting so badly to say no. I was in the middle of my strictly-no-game-talk chess game. But Paul was the HoH and we’d just worked through our problems. The last thing I needed was to piss him off again. At least until I was off the block.

“I’ll be right back,” I told Matt. “No cheating.” Matt grinned a grin that I didn’t trust and winked at me.

Inside Paul’s HoH room, I found him sitting at the head of the bed; I took a seat on the other end, looking at him expectantly, warily. He wasn’t wearing a shirt just then, his tattooed chest bare, the rest of him hidden under the covers. His hands were clasped in his lap, one finger tapping as he stared at me, lips pursed.

“So I need the veto to be used on Josh,” Paul said.

For a moment, I just sat there, feeling a bit stunned. I’d been so sure that Paul would use the veto on me. After all, he’d promised me multiple times that I would be safe this week. I should have known he was full of it, especially after he’d been the one to put me on the block in the first place. But no, I had been stupid enough to put some trust in the guy, and now look where I was. It seemed I would be staying on the block, possibly even going home, if Cody could work the house as well as Paul apparently could.

Without saying a word, I stood and walked out of the room. Paul called after me, but I was in no mood to talk to him right then, or even look at him, for that matter. How could he sit there and tell me over and over that I would be safe and then put me on the block? How could he sit there and tell me that I was safe and then tell me that he was using the veto on Josh? I was beginning to think that Cody wasn’t even the one he wanted to go home at all. What if I was his target? It sure as shit seemed that way.

“Sorry, Matt,” I said as I left Paul’s room. “I’m not in the mood anymore.”

I was almost to the stairs when Paul caught up to me, grabbing my arm. His grip wasn’t tight, just enough to keep me from walking away. “Will you let me finish?” he asked, his eyes flickering over the railing, down to where some of the others were now watching.

“Why should I?” I asked him quietly. “You’ve shown me time and again that I can’t trust you.”

“I need you to let me explain.”

“And I need you to let me go.” I jerked my arm from Paul’s grasp and proceeded down the stairs.

Everyone was looking at me as I walked through the living room and into my room. I ignored them and climbed into bed. As stupid as it sounds, I was trying so hard not to cry. Honestly, I felt like I had no one in this game, no one who cared anyway. I’d been dumb enough to put some trust in Paul and now I was possibly going home. Cody had screwed everyone over. Christmas hated me because of what had happened with her sister. At that moment, I just wanted to go home.

* * *

 

Paul didn’t come after me anymore, but when I finally forced myself to get out of bed, I found that he was in the kitchen with several other houseguests. When he saw me, he just kind of looked at me, but didn’t try to talk to me again. Instead, we shared this awkward silence. Everyone seemed to notice it; no one was saying anything. They’d seen our earlier exchange and knew that something was going on with us.

Paul cleared his throat. “I just made some coffee,” he said.

“No thanks,” I replied, making me a bowl of cereal and heading outside.

It was late that night when Paul did find me. It seemed neither of us could sleep at night. Everyone else was in bed; I was sitting outside on the couch. Paul came out the door and I debated getting up and going back inside just to get away from him. But I figured it would be better for us to have this out while everyone else was sleeping. Neither of us needed a bigger target on our back, especially me. So when Paul sat down next to me, I didn’t move, but I didn’t look at him either.

“Can we talk about it?” Paul asked.

“Go for it,” I replied.

Paul sighed. “I need Josh to come off the block because I need to ensure that Cody goes home this week. Josh is a strong player. Look at the dude, he’s ripped. He’s a target just for that. Not to mention that he’s whiny. You’re not a huge target, so I need you up there next to Cody.”

“You keep telling me I’m safe and then pulling the rug out from under me,” I said, finally looking at Paul. “Do you want me gone? Is that what it is? I’d rather you just tell me that and stop playing games.”

“I don’t want you gone. Believe it or not, I actually like you, Sofia. You’ve got spunk. You’re not afraid to argue with a vet and the HoH.” Paul laughed.

“So you expect me to play the veto and what? Throw it? Win and use it on Josh?”

“I expect you to trust me.”

I scoffed. “Look how far that’s gotten me.”

“Whether you trust me or not, you’re not going home. Not this week.”

“And if I use the veto on myself?”

Paul licked his lips in thought. “Well, if you do that, then I guess we might all be screwed.”

 


	5. Chapter 5

The veto competition was one where we had to run through an airport “terminal” and answer the questions. If we get the question right, we get to move on. If we get it wrong, we have to complete another challenge in order to move to the next terminal. Whoever finishes the competition in the shortest amount of time wins the veto. During the veto drawing where we picked players, Paul pulled Elena’s name, Josh pulled Matt’s name, and I pulled Jessica’s name. I hadn’t really decided yet if I was going to do what Paul wanted and throw the veto competition. In all honesty, I still didn’t trust him. Not really. He’d screwed me over too often in too little time.

I ran through the terminals, eventually realizing that I had to pay attention to each one in order to pass the next one. By the time I finished, it felt like I had been playing forever. Hopefully the rest of the people playing would do worse than me. Then again, I still wasn’t sure if I wanted to win or not. Winning would surely piss Paul off, but losing could cost me the entire game. Oh, well. I’d done my best. Whatever happened next, I would have to live with it.

Jason was standing at the head of the living room, ready to announce the scores. Even though my brown hair was tied back in a ponytail and I was in a tank and jean shorts, I was still sweating, my heart racing. I wanted to win, but I wanted to lose, and I didn’t know which was worse. Jason announced that I was in the lead and I glanced at Paul, who pursed his lips.

In the end, it was Paul who won the power of veto. Jason draped it around Paul’s neck and I sighed. Were Paul and I ever going to be on the same page? It didn’t seem like it. Now he probably thought that I had been planning to use the veto on myself. And maybe I would have, had I won. I still wasn’t really sure. But it didn’t matter, because Paul surely thought that I still wasn’t on his side. That I didn’t trust him.

After everyone had gone their separate ways, I was still on the couch, laying on my back and staring up at the ceiling. I wanted to talk to Paul, to see where his head was at, but I was afraid that I would only make things worse. I wasn’t sure what to say to him. I was fairly certain he didn’t trust me now, just as I hadn’t trusted him this whole time. I was beginning to regret that.

“Sofia,” Matt said, leaning on the back of the couch and looking down at me, “Paul wants to talk to you.”

I groaned and covered my face with my hands. “Can’t you make up an excuse?” I asked, peeking through my fingers at Matt.

Matt chuckled. “Want me to tell him you ran to the store real quick?” he joked.

“Do you think he’ll fall for it?”

“Why don’t you wanna talk to him?” Matt asked me.

I sighed and sat up. “We’re too much alike. Yet I still have no idea what to expect from him.”

Matt patted me on the shoulder. “We’ll play chess later, okay?” I nodded and headed for the stairs that led up to the HoH room.

Outside Paul’s door, I stopped and took a breath. This was it. This was the moment of truth, the moment our problems came to a head. Whatever happened in this room would undoubtedly seal my fate, either for this week or the next. If Paul was to be believed and trusted, I wasn’t going home this week. But that had nothing to do with next week. If Paul wanted me gone, I was sure I would be. He was too good at the game. And it was a shame I seemed to be the only one to see it.

Finally gaining the courage, I knocked on Paul’s door. He immediately told me to come in. When I entered his room, I found Paul standing there in plaid pajama pants, a bare chest, and a toothbrush in his mouth. I offered to come back later, praying he would agree, but he simply held up one finger and went to finish brushing his teeth. I awkwardly took a seat on the couch against the wall, my hands in my lap. This was the moment where Paul was going to tell me I was going home. Whether it be this week or next week, he would want me gone.

Paul emerged from the bathroom and sat on the couch beside me, a pillow on his lap. “You tried to win,” he stated simply.

I looked down at my lap. “Yeah,” I replied.

“Were you gonna use it on yourself?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

I looked up and met Paul’s gaze. “I don’t know,” I repeated. “I just wanted to have _some_ control over my game. Ever since I got here, my game has either been in Cody’s hands or yours. I wanted a choice that was my own.”

Paul stared at me for a second before speaking. “I’m using the veto on Josh,” he finally said. “It’s what I have to do. But I have a plan to blow up the house, if you’re down.”

 


	6. Chapter 6

Josh and I were sitting in the nomination chairs, waiting for our chance to give Paul a reason to use the veto on us. Josh went first, starting drama with Cody. That was fine by me. Cody was going to leave and Josh was only making the target on his own back bigger with every word that left his mouth. At this rate, Paul’s plan to stir up drama in the house would be easier than I’d thought.

When it was my turn, I stood. “Don’t use the veto on me,” I said. “Just make sure Cody leaves.” I sat back down, my eyes meeting Paul’s. He’d wanted me to trust him, so I was. This was his chance to prove to me that I could. I just hoped I didn’t end up regretting it.

“I have decided to use the power of veto on…Josh,” Paul said. Josh stood and Paul put the power of veto around his neck. “Cody, you took a shot at me and you missed. I’m more of a checkmate kind of guy. Take a seat.”

“I respect that,” Cody said, taking the seat beside me. His eyes cut in my direction and I smirked at him.

“This veto meeting is adjourned,” Paul said, closing the box.

Cody and I stood from our chairs as everyone else went back to whatever they’d been doing before. Cody turned to me; I could see Paul watching from the corner of my eye, but I didn’t look at him. My gaze was focused on Cody. Jessica was still on the couch behind him, watching us just like Paul. Whatever Cody wanted to say, he must not care that it might help send him out the door. Then again, he probably just wanted to keep Jessica safe.

“You want me gone?” Cody said, a sneer on his face. “Fine. But Jess is gonna make sure you go next.”

“You did this to yourself,” I spat. “You can’t just lie to your whole alliance and expect them to―”

“I was trying to protect you!” By now the whole house had slowly started to gravitate towards us, listening in. “Do you really think Paul doesn’t know what he’s doing? Manipulating you? He’s a vet, Sofia. He’s done this before.”

Paul took a step towards us, but I shot him a look and he stopped. Him stepping up and getting in the middle of this would only make things worse. For both of us. I glared up at Cody. “No one is manipulating me, Cody,” I said. “You’re the one who tried to manipulate everyone, telling us all that you were trying to help our game. If you’d been trying to help our game, you would have come to us before trying to blindside Paul. You almost cost us all. Luckily, Paul is smart enough to know you’re a selfish prick. Now stay the hell away from me.”

I shoved past Cody and went outside. My blood was boiling. Confronting me in front of the whole house like that…I wasn’t sure if he was trying to keep the target on him and off of Jessica or if he was trying to make me the target. Either way, I was fuming. I hoped the others didn’t suddenly want me out now. That would mean I’d gone down trying to protect Paul, and I wasn’t okay with that. There was nothing to do about it now. I could talk to Matt later before we played chess and see what everyone was saying, but at that moment, I just wanted to be away from everyone.

Lying on the hammock, I put on my sunglasses and closed my eyes. It wasn’t long before I felt someone climbing onto the hammock beside me. Sighing, I opened my eyes and glanced over to see Paul beside me, his own glasses on, a pillow squeezed between his arms and his chest.

“Is Cody still talking shit?” I asked Paul, closing my eyes again.

“Him and Jess went into the Have-Not room when you left,” Paul replied. “Thanks for that in there.”

I shrugged. “No problem. I’m already on the block. Why not shake things up a bit? That’s what we’re going for anyway, right?”

Paul nudged me with his elbow. “I thought you wanted to stay.”

“I thought you weren’t letting me go home.”

“That’s gonna be hard to do if you fight with everyone.”

I pushed my glasses up on top of my head. “I’m not fighting with everyone, I’m fighting with Cody. Besides, the look on his face is always priceless.”

“Is the look on his face worth going home?” Paul asked me.

“Look, if you’re threatening me―”

“I’m not threatening you. But if you piss people off, there won’t be anything I can do to keep you safe. And believe me, I’d much rather have you here than Cody.”

I smiled. “Paul, you flatter me.”

“This isn’t a joke.”

“I’m not laughing.”

Paul rolled his eyes and shook his head. “You stress me out.”

I laughed. “If I go home tomorrow, you’ll miss me.”

I’m not sure why I was taking this so lightly all of a sudden. Honestly, telling Cody off had made me feel a bit better. And I found myself trusting Paul. He was the only person I really talked to like this. Matt and I talked during chess, but with Paul it was different. He gave it to me straight and I appreciated that. If I managed to stay this week, I felt that Paul and I would make a good team.

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

 

"Wanna play chess?" Matt asked me as I poured myself some soda.

I nodded. "Yeah, want some Coke?" I replied.

"Please."

Dominique looked at us and smirked. "You guys act like a couple," she said.

"He's dating Raven," I told her, snorting.

Matt flushed. "Dating is a strong word."

Dominique tried to hide her grin, her brows rising as she stood and walked away awkwardly. I stared at Matt across the counter. I had never thought things between us were anything but platonic. The way he was looking at me, though, suggested his feelings ran a little deeper. I wasn't sure how I felt about that; the only thing I could think about was how I had possibly just lost my chess buddy.

"Matt..."

Licking his lips and shoving his hands in his pockets, Matt took a big breath and nodded. "Right," he said awkwardly. "I don't really feel like chess, maybe later, okay?" I watched Matt walk towards the bedrooms and leaned against counter, resting my head in my hands.

"What's wrong with you?" Paul asked. I could hear him behind me, rummaging through the fridge.

I groaned. "Can't a girl and a guy just be friends?" I said, straightening and handing Paul Matt's glass of soda.

Paul cocked a brow and took the glass, starting to make himself a sandwich. "I...don't know how to answer that."

I walked around the bar and took a seat on a stool across from Paul. "Matt apparently has a thing for me," I said quietly.

Paul made a face. "I thought he was dating Raven. What is this, a soap opera?"

I rolled my eyes just as the doorbell rang. Paul and I both froze; the rest of the house was screaming and heading for the door. When we reached the door, it opened and I felt my heart drop to the floor. What the hell was Big Brother thinking? Christian Marks, my horrible ex-fiance was standing a few feet away, staring at me as he answered everyone's questions. Apparently someone had accepted a temptation and Christian was the punishment.

Without a word, I turned and walked away, not stopping until I was upstairs in the HoH room, as far from Christian as possible. My chest hurt and I had started hyperventilating. Why would Big Brother bring him here? Didn't know our history? Was that the whole reason he was in the house in the first place? Sitting on the floor at the foot of the bed, I held a hand to my chest as I tried to catch my breath. I vaguely heard the door open and suddenly Paul was kneeling in front of me, his hands on my shoulders. He was saying something, but my ears were ringing and I couldn't hear what he was saying. Paul ran over to the table and grabbed a paper bag, dumping its contents onto the floor and passing it to me.

I breathed into the bag. The ringing in my ears slowly started to subside. Paul sat in front of me, our knees touching, his hands once again on my shoulders. He was telling me to breathe in and out. When I finally could breathe normally, my emotions got the best of me. I choked on a sob and let my face fall into my hands. Paul rubbed my arms consolingly, probably thinking I'd lost my damn mind.

Eventually, I stopped crying and sat up. Paul handed me a tissue that seemed to appear out of nowhere and didn't even grimace when I blew my nose. I took a deep breath and looked down at my hands.

"You know him?" Paul asked quietly.

I nodded. "We...He's not a good person," I replied. "I can't be around him."

"Well it sounds like he's here to stay."

"I don't know if I can do this."

Paul squeezed my shoulder. "I won't leave you alone with him."

Slowly, I got to my feet and let Paul lead me out of the HoH room and downstairs. The rest of the house was in the living room, getting to know Christian. He was being his typical charismatic self, winning everyone over, just like he'd done with me. His dark hair and bright blue eyes made it easy to think he was just as beautiful inside as he was outside, but I knew that was bullshit. I hated Christian Marks with every fiber of my being and I was more than pissed that Big Brother had brought him into the house.

When Paul and I entered the living room, everyone stopped and stared at us, clearly concerned. Paul kept his hand on the small of my back. Christian let his blue eyes land on us, on Paul. He smirked at me.

"It's been a while, Sofia."

 


	8. Chapter 8

“It’s been a while, Sofia,” Christian said, flashing his perfect smile in my direction.

I remained silent, even as everyone’s eyes were on me. Christian was eyeing me, seemingly forgetting for a moment that anyone else was there. His eyes flickered to where Paul’s hand was on my back, the way, I stayed by his side. I knew then that Christian suspected something between Paul and I, and I knew what that meant. Christian, if he were truly to be staying in this house as a player, would be gunning for Paul. I would be safe from him, if only because it was finally his chance to be near me again.

“You guys know each other?” Jason asked cheerfully. Surely they could sense the tension between us? Surely they could see my red-rimmed eyes, the way I clung to Paul so that, even though he’d promised not to leave me alone with Christian, I could make sure he kept his word.

Christian smirked at me. “You could say that,” he said with a wink.

“C’mon,” Paul said, steering me out of the living room and towards the backyard. “Didn’t you need to talk to me?”

I nodded, grateful that Paul could see that I couldn’t handle being around Christian, especially with so many prying eyes on us. It was clear that everyone was wondering just what kind of relationship and history Christian and I had, and I was sure he would give them his bullshit version. That was fine. I didn’t really want everyone knowing the hell he had put me through. Their sympathy would probably keep me in the house this week, but it wasn’t worth it to me.

Paul led me out of the house and to the hammock. We laid there in silence, me not wanting to talk, and Paul probably just not knowing what to say. I’d never considered Paul to be the type to comfort and console. He was loud, he was obnoxious, and he loved drama. This side of him was something I had never expected, but I was so grateful for it. I wasn’t sure what I would do without him, honestly. If he hadn’t been here to follow me and help me through my panic attack, if he hadn’t just helped me escape the horrible feeling of seeing Christian staring back at me while all our peers looked on curiously, not sure of what to do or say or how to even act. Even as I lay there, debating leaving the house before being evicted, I was grateful.

I glanced over to see Paul staring at me already. “What?” I asked him.

“Are you okay, Sofia?” he replied, a quiet concern in his brown eyes.

Swallowing all that I actually wanted to say―I wanted so badly to tell Paul all about Christian―I took a breath and forced myself to meet his gaze again. “I’m fine,” I lied. “I’ll be fine.”

Paul didn’t look as if he believed me, but Mark peeked out the door and said we had an hour until the live show. This meant we had to get ready for the eviction. How Julie planned to explain Christian’s presence was beyond me. I just prayed that the producers hadn’t actually known what kind of relationship Christian and I had had. That would mean they were just horrible people, and I liked to think they weren’t as bad as some liked to think. Then again, trying to see the good in people is what led to me being with Christian so long in the first place.

I told Paul that I would be fine as he left to get dressed. We were informed that it would be an endurance competition, so I got dressed in my sports clothes and tied my hair back in a ponytail, before heading to the storage room for an unhealthy snack. More commonly known as comfort food. I didn’t hear the door open or close, but when I turned around, I came face-to-face with Christian. His blue eyes stared down at me as a grin spread across his face. I swallowed.

“So, you and Paul, huh?” he asked, shaking his head. “He does not seem like your type.”

“Get away from me,” I breathed, my voice not nearly as bold as I had hoped it would be.

Christian laughed. “What’s wrong with you, Sof? It’s me. Geez, calm down.”

My heart was pounding so hard I was sure it would beat out of my chest at any second. I could feel my throat constricting, my hands shaking. I hated that this man had such an effect on me, but there was nothing I could do to stop it.

The door to the storage room opened then and Matt walked in. He cocked a brow at Christian and I. I tried to silently convey that I needed to get out there, my eyes on his, praying he would somehow get the message. Luckily for me, Matt seemed to know me pretty well. All those days of playing chess had done me some good.

“I think Alex is looking for you, Sofia,” Matt said, his gaze flickering between Christian and I.

Without a word, I moved past Christian, careful not to touch him. I would have to thank Matt later. I owed him one. He had just saved me.

When I exited the storage room, I went straight to the living room, taking my seat in one of the nomination chairs. Christian couldn’t get to me out in the open. Pulling my knees up to my chest, I wrapped my arms around them and sat there, waiting. Waiting for Paul. Waiting for Christian. Waiting for Julie to start the show.

Waiting, and kind of hoping, to be evicted.

 


	9. Chapter 9

Matt was sitting nearest me; he’d taken the seat before Paul had the chance, though Paul did give me an apologetic look. He didn’t know yet about what had happened in the storage room. I wasn’t completely sure if I was going to tell him. All that would do was make him feel guilty for not being there. So I forced a small smile and nodded once to tell him that I was fine. Christian was seated between Alex and Elena, his arms around them both. Mark didn’t seem to mind, even though I was pretty sure he and Elena were together.

Julie’s face appeared on the screen and she asked everyone how they were doing. The house replied with a cheer. “I see you’ve met your newest houseguest,” Julie said, referring to Christian. “How are you settling in?” she asked him.

Christian smiled, looking at Elena and then Alex. “Pretty well,” he replied, eliciting a laugh from the house and audience.

Julie smiled. “As I’m sure you’ve learned, houseguests, Christian is now a part of the game. He will be competing against you all for the grand prize.” The crowd started muttering. “But what you didn’t know is that Christian’s votes will have double the power, meaning every vote he casts will count as two.”

I’m not sure what came over me, but I found myself suddenly overcome with a bout of courage. We were on live television, so I would keep it PG, but I wanted some answers. “I have a question,” I said. The whole house looked at me. I noticed the almost imperceptible shake of Paul’s head, but ignored it. “Why did you bring Christian here? Surely you know our history.”

Julie, bless her soul, at least had the decency to look a bit guilty. “I’m sorry, Sofia,” she said, staying professional, “but if you have a problem with a fellow cast member, you’ll have to talk to production.”

I swallowed, glancing over at Christian. He looked smug, each of his arms around a girl, a smirk on his face.

The show cut to commercial and everyone started chatting. Paul got up and came over to kneel in front of me. His face held an expression of concern. Matt was watching us, even as Raven came over to talk to him about the upcoming competition.

“Sofia,” Paul said quietly. “Are you okay?”

I shook my head. “No,” I told him. “I’m not okay.”

My gaze landed on Christian, who simply winked at me. He was staying. I knew that. Talking to production would be pointless, because Christian―a hot, single, new player―was good for ratings. Not to mention that his votes all counted as two. It was bound to make the show interesting. If I was the reason he went home, I would be the bad guy. It would be awful for my game. And, even though I had considered it for a split second, I was not going home. I would grin and bear it.

And then I would get Christian out, fair and square.

Julie’s face appeared on the screen and Paul went back to his seat. That was fine, though, because if I wasn’t evicted within the next few minutes, I was planning to win the HoH and send Christian packing.

Julie announced that it was time for the live vote and eviction. One by one, everyone except Paul and Christian left to cast their vote. With every passing second and every vote cast, my stomach hurt a little more. I tried to tell myself that Cody was the target, that I was safe. But pawns went home all the time. They were famous for it. Why should I be any different?

A few minutes later, I was breathing a sigh of relief as Cody stood to leave the house. He didn’t really talk to anyone much, aside from whispering something to Jessica that made her smile. We clapped for him and went to watch his picture turn black and white. I hung back, arms crossed over my chest, heart beating fast. I was still in the house. I had a chance. My eyes flickered to Paul, who was talking to Christmas, then to Christian, who was already watching me.

I had to win that HoH. I had to get rid of him. There was no way I could survive staying in this house with him for an extended amount of time. It would drive me crazy. His looks and his smirks and the fact that he knew no one would believe me if I told them our past. That was how it had always been. Christian’s charisma made sure of it, made sure everyone bought every lie he sold them. I had faith that Paul would believe me, but I wasn’t ready to tell him yet, if ever.

We made it out to the backyard and got onto our small platforms for the endurance competition. I took a deep breath, getting my grip as sturdy and tight as possible, staring straight ahead and blocking out all the noise around me. All that mattered was this HoH. Everything else was trivial. Everything else could wait. There was no room for error this week. If I wanted Christian out of this house, I _had_ to win.

 

 


	10. Chapter 10

My knees were shaking and I was freezing, covered in slime. But there were only three other people still on the wall with me. I’m not sure how long we’d been up on that wall, but it was starting to catch up to all of us. I heard Alex and Elena making a deal beside me. Christian was on my other side, a few spaces down. He’d been trying to talk to me since the two people between us had fallen, but I was ignoring him completely. I didn’t want to talk to him or look at him. I wished I’d never met him. But here I was. And I had to beat him, I had to win this HoH competition and send him home, because I wasn’t sure how much longer I could stand to even be occupying the same space as him.

“Sofia, come on,” Christian said as Elena fell from the wall. “You’re not gonna beat me.”

I didn’t say anything, my teeth grinding together in concentration. Alex fell a few seconds later, slipping on the water. It was only Christian and I on the wall now and my legs were starting to hurt, growing stiff from being in the same position too long. I’d seen a couple people get into a crouching position, but I was too wary of falling to take that chance.

“Just give it up. It’s not like I’m gonna send you home anyway.”

“Don’t listen to him, Sofia,” Paul called to me. I was sure he couldn’t hear what it was that Christian was actually saying, but he had to know it wasn’t good. I hadn’t yet told Paul anything that had happened between Christian and I, and I still wasn’t sure if I was going to, but Paul knew me well enough to know. My reaction to Christian’s entering the house had definitely been a negative one, one that only Paul seemed to care about, for whatever reason.

Water started spraying us again, ice cold. My foot slipped and I almost fell off, but somehow managed to save myself. I was feeling the pain in my legs now more than ever, my arms begging for a rest. A glance over at Christian told me he could stand there comfortably for several more hours. I couldn’t give up and just let him have it. I needed this more than any other HoH in this game. This was the most important.

My foot suddenly gave out from under me and I fell off my small platform. I lay there, breathing hard, all my muscles aching, wanting to cry out in frustration. Wanting to cry in general. Christian came up beside me before the others could reach us. He knelt down close. “Don’t worry,” he whispered. “I’ll share the bed with you.” With a wink, he stood and started chatting up everyone, taking their congratulations with a huge, victorious grin.

Paul held his hand out to me and helped me to my feet. “You okay?” he asked me for what felt like the millionth time that day. I nodded, but I knew he could tell I was lying. “What did he say to you?”

I shook my head and started for the house. “It doesn’t matter,” I told him. “And you’re probably going on the block, so prepare yourself.”

Paul put a hand on my shoulder, stopping me just before we reached the door. “I don’t about me,” he said. I gave him a look that said, _Come on_. “Okay, I do. But I’m worried about you. Ever since he got here, you’ve been in a bad place.”

“I’ll be fine. Just worry about yourself. I need you in this house.”

Paul and I entered the house, him going off to talk to the rest of our alliance about what Christian was undoubtedly planning, me to talk to Christian himself. My hands were shaking, so I clenched them into fists. I couldn’t let him see that he got to me, that I was terrified of him. We were in the Big Brother house. He couldn’t do anything. I kept reminding myself of that as I made my way up the stairs and to the HoH door. He opened it before I had the chance to knock.

“I’ve been expecting you,” he said with a smirk, moving aside for me to enter. I rolled my eyes and swallowed as I heard the door click closed. “Finally come to your senses?” Christian asked me, coming up behind me. He was so close that I could feel the heat emanating off his bare chest.

I moved away from him. He didn’t try to stop me, though I could tell he wanted to. “Please don’t put Paul up,” I said. “He’s all I have in this place.”

Christian quirked a brow and smirked. “You have me,” he said. “You don’t need Paul. You don’t need anyone.”

My eyes flickered towards the door and my heart dropped to my feet as I realized that Christian was blocking my only escape. I’d been in this position with him too many times to count. “Please, Christian.”

Christian took a step towards me. “Say my name again, I’ve missed that.”

Taking a step back, I forced myself to take a breath. “Don’t.”

The door opened and I saw Paul standing there, looking pissed. “What the fuck is going on?” he asked, coming towards us. I practically ran to him.

Christian laughed. “We were just talking,” he told Paul. “You should really mind your own business.”

“Stay away from her, okay?”

Eyes raking over me, Christian cleared his throat. “See you in the morning, Sof.”

I let Paul lead me out of the room and back downstairs before I allowed myself to breathe again. I didn’t cry, not this time, but I did let Paul wrap his arms around me as I tried to stop myself from shaking. It was going to be a long week.

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **TRIGGER WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS TALK OF PHYSICAL ABUSE AND SEXUAL ASSAULT**

Somehow, I managed to avoid Christian for the next two days. I think it was mainly due to the fact that I either had Paul or Matt with me at all times. They refused to leave me alone. Raven was starting shoot me looks and I told Matt that I would be fine, that he should hang out with his actual girlfriend. Unfortunately, but also fortunately, Matt didn’t listen to me. He insisted to be with me when Paul wasn’t. We didn’t play much chess, since it was right outside the HoH room, but Matt and I talked a lot, played pool. In fact, over the course of two days, I became closer to Matt than I was to anyone else in the house.

Well, almost anyone.

Paul was with me, now. The nomination ceremony was coming up soon and he knew he was going up. I felt terrible about it, but there was really nothing I could do. Christian saw Paul as a threat, and not just in the game. He thought Paul was the reason I wanted nothing to do with him. Deep down, I’m sure he knew the real reason I hated him, but he either didn’t want to admit it or didn’t want to face it. Christian was a monster and if everyone in the house knew the half of what he’d put me through, they would want him gone just as badly as I did.

That was when it hit me. I had to tell everyone. My stomach churned at the idea of telling so many people something so personal. I hadn’t told Paul and he was the one who had been there for me since Christian had walked through the door. Maybe telling Paul was the first step. He was playing a dirty game, I knew that. He wasn’t the best person when he was in the Big Brother house. But I knew him when he wasn’t playing the game. He and I had spent the past several nights, staying up late, just talking. Real talking, not game talk. I felt like I knew Paul better than I knew some of my friends outside the house.

Paul and I were in the Have-Not room, laying on the floor side-by-side, which was far more comfortable than the spiked beds. He had his hands clasped under his head and my head was resting on his arm. We’d been like this for a while, just staring up at the ceiling, not really saying much of anything. We could do that, not speak and still be comfortable.

With a deep breath, I broke the silence. “The first time he hit me, he cried,” I said. My voice was low, but in the silence, the words felt like a scream. I could feel Paul looking at me, but I couldn’t meet his eyes, not then. “He cried and he told me that he was sorry and it would never happen again. I was young then, sixteen. I wanted to believe it. I wanted him to be a good guy, needed him to. Life at home was shit, so Christian _had_ to be good.” I shook my head, remembering. “It was months later before he hit me again, left me with a black eye that I had to cover up just so I could go to school. He had dropped out by then and was drinking a lot, partying almost every night.

“People started to notice the bruises; my friends asked me why I stayed with him. I―I didn’t have an answer for them. I loved Christian and I knew that how he was treating me wasn’t love, but he was all I had. I stayed with him for five more years, and then…” I trailed off, not sure if I could say this part aloud. I sat up, Paul following suit. He was giving me this intense stare that I couldn’t bring myself to meet. I saw him out of the corner of my eye; he was so close that I could feel his warm breath on my skin.

“You don’t have to,” Paul said, his voice barely above a whisper.

I took a breath and nodded once. “Yeah, I do.” I swallowed and continued. “We were living together by this point. He came home late every night, one or two in the morning, sometimes later. He was always drunk when he got there, always wanted to fight. I had been talking to my aunt more and more. She and my father had been estranged, so I never really got to see her growing up, but we were trying to fix our relationship since my father had passed. She knew all about what was going on with Christian and I and she had finally convinced me to leave him, to go stay with her a few states away.

“Christian came home and saw my bags packed. My aunt was on her way to pick me up, but she wouldn’t be there for another hour. Christian wasn’t supposed to come home so early, he never came home that early. He saw my bags on the floor by the door and he lost it. He threw me against the wall; he wouldn’t stop hitting me. And then―Anyway, he…he thought I was unconscious and he…I woke up to see him on top of me and then my aunt got there and she bashed a vase over his head and called the police. He went to prison for a few months, but got out on good behavior and had community service. My lawyer told me he wouldn’t even have to register as a sex offender.”

Paul cupped my face in his hand, making me look at him. There were tears in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall. “Thank you for telling me,” Paul said quietly. “Come here.” I let Paul pulled me to him, burying my face in his chest and letting those godforsaken tears fall anyway.

An hour later, we were sitting around the table for the nomination ceremony. Christian entered the room, carrying the key block. I felt Paul tense beside me. His hand squeezed mine. I’d told him that I was planning to tell the house about what Christian had done after he made his nominations. Paul hadn’t really agreed to this plan, but he said he would let me do what I thought was best.

“This is the nomination ceremony,” Christian said, his hands clasped behind his back. He was shirtless again, probably for the cameras, his hat on backwards and the cross necklace his mother had given him glinting in the artificial lights. “As Head of―”

Paul stood abruptly, his hand slipping out of mine. “No, you know what? Fuck this,” he said angrily. “You’re a piece of shit.” He pointed at Christian as the house stared on in confusion. They probably thought this was because Paul knew he was going on the block, but Paul was smarter than that. Or at least I had thought so. He was probably only making the target on his back bigger. I grabbed for his hand, but he pulled away.

Christian smiled, but there was venom in it. “Sit down, Paul. You can be pissed when you’ve actually let me nominate you.”

“This isn’t about the nomination and you know it. Sofia doesn’t wanna tell the whole country what you did to her, so I’m not going to. But you’re a dirtbag and if we weren’t in this house, I would beat the shit out of you.”

“Is that a threat?”

Mark stood and put his hand on Paul’s shoulder. “Paul, you gotta calm down, buddy,” he said.

Suddenly there were producers in the room, taking Paul away. My heart dropped and I tried to tell them that nothing was going to happen, but they told me to stay and took Paul into the Diary Room. I turned back to face the house, to face Christian. He was grinning at me.

 


	12. Chapter 12

Christian continued on with nominations and I sat at the table, not really hearing anything he said. Of course, Paul’s picture appeared on the memory wall, right below Matt’s. After nomination ceremony ended, I went and sat in the living room, eyes trained on the door to the Diary Room, waiting for Paul to come back. Hoping he was coming back at all. He hadn’t hit anyone, technically hadn’t threatened anyone. They had no real reason to take him out of the game.

I’m not sure how long I sat there, but I was pleasantly surprised that Christian had yet to say a word to me. In fact, I hadn’t seen him since the nomination ceremony. I was just fine with that; I would fine never seeing him again. He had ruined five years of my life and I thought I had finally escaped him, only to come live my dream and have to see him again. Now my dream was tainted, the one thing I had of my father, the one thing we’d actually had in common, was ruined. And I hated Christian for that more than anything.

Finally, the door to the Diary Room opened and Paul walked out. His eyes landed on me as I stood and he came over, taking my hand and silently pulling me into the Have-Not room. It was luckily empty. I wrapped my arms around Paul and he pulled me to him. He had risked his game to stand up for me, had helped me through this whole situation. I still wasn’t totally sure I trusted him game-wise, not when Christian was finally gone, but I still trusted Paul Abrahamian more than anyone else in the house.

“You have to win the veto,” I said, my face buried in the crook of his neck.

“Christian is leaving,” Paul replied. “We’re going to have another HoH competition.”

I pulled away, sure he was joking, but also knowing he would never joke to me about this. “You told them?” I asked. Paul nodded. I felt a smile tugging on my lips and I threw my arms around Paul again, even more grateful than before.

When I pulled away, I knew that things were about to change. My eyes flickered to Paul’s lips, his hands still on my waist, mine clasped behind his neck. Before I could talk myself out of it, I closed the distance between us, my lips meeting his lightly. He paused for a second, before pulling me back to him, deepening the kiss. The only person I had ever been with was Christian. Even after he’d gone to prison, I’d never found it in myself to be with anyone else. But standing there, kissing Paul, it just felt right. There were sparks, fireworks, my heart pounding, his pounding. It didn’t matter that we were being recorded from every angle. It didn’t matter that someone could walk in at any second. In that moment, nothing mattered.

And then the moment ended.

Paul pulled back, dropping his arm from my waist, removing mine from around his shoulders. He gave me an apologetic look and shook his head. “I’m sorry, Sofia,” he said. “I can’t do this. I can’t be in a showmance. Christian is leaving and we have to get back to the game.” Paul reached for my hand, but I jerked away.

“I told you all that stuff and―” I said.

“And I’m grateful, I’m glad you trusted me enough to tell me that stuff, Sofia. But we’re still playing a game, we’re still both trying to win $500k. I mean, I can’t just give up this whole thing for―”

“For me?”

Paul sighed and ran a hand through his hair, causing it to stick out in various directions. “It’s not like that.”

“It is, though. So. We’re done here.”

“Sofia―” Paul reached for me as I left the room, but I ignored him stalking into the living room.

The producers were there, telling Christian he had to leave the house. He didn’t seem to be taking it too well and when he saw me, I could see the anger in his eyes. My mind flashed back to that night and I suddenly couldn’t breathe. Though my brain was telling me he couldn’t do anything, that the producers were standing right there to stop it, all I could see was Christian’s furious face when he saw that I was leaving, Christian’s body moving over mine. My chest hurt, my breathing becoming shallow as Christian took a step towards me. The producers automatically intervened, but that one step had been enough. My world was spinning.

Paul caught my arm, one hand on my back to steady me, but I pushed him away. I didn’t need him anymore. I wasn’t his charity case. He’d done his good deed by getting Christian out of the house. I was done with him.

One of the producers came over and put an arm around me. They took Christian away and then took me into the Diary Room, where I was met by medics. They took my vitals, but now that Christian was gone, I felt myself calming down. The drama from the night mixed with my argument with Paul had pushed me over the edge, but the knowledge that I wouldn’t have to see Christian again made all of that okay. Sure, my best friend in the house had basically just thrown it all away for the game, but that was fine. He was right. We were on Big Brother to win the money, not to make friends or be in showmances.

“I’m fine,” I told the medic once again. “Really. Now that Christian is gone, I’ll be okay.”

The medics finally cleared me to go back into the house and I immediately went to bed. I didn’t even care that the Have-Not beds were uncomfortable as hell. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

When I woke up the next morning, I was met by Matt. He was sitting on the bed next to mine, elbows resting on his knees as he watched me. I would have been creeped out if it had been anyone else, but I knew Matt was just looking out for me. I forced myself to smile up at him as I rubbed the sleep from my eyes. He smiled back, but I could tell he was still worried.

“Hey, Sofia,” Matt said softly. “How are you feeling?”

“I’m okay, Matt,” I replied. “Really.”

“Paul is worried about you.”

I rolled my eyes, pulling the flimsy blanket over my head. “I don’t want to talk about Paul.”

Matt chuckled. “How about some breakfast, then? We have another HoH competition today.”

Agreeing, I followed Matt out of the Have-Not room and into the kitchen. Raven was there, along with Elena and Mark. They all watched me as I took a seat at the bar and Matt made me a bowl of cereal. I could still feel the bitterness rolling off Raven, but she didn’t say anything. I knew she probably would, eventually. Either that or she would somehow get me put on the block. I’d noticed that she was a pretty jealous person. Whether or not she knew that Matt had feelings for me, I wasn’t sure. But he and I spent enough time together that it got to her. I didn’t particularly care. There was nothing romantic between Matt and I, at least not on my end.

Just as Matt was handing me my breakfast, I glanced up to see Paul come in the sliding door. We both froze for a second, our eyes meeting. With a deep breath and a heavy sigh, Paul looked away and started talking to Mark and Elena. My heart dropped. I’m not sure what I was expecting. Paul had told me flat out that there would be nothing between us. I guess I’d had this false hope that things could have somehow changed overnight. Now I wasn’t sure where Paul’s head was at, and I knew I had to win the HoH to ensure my safety this week.

 

 


	13. Chapter 13

The new HoH competition was one where Julie gave us quotes from past Big Brother players and gave us multiple choices from which we were supposed to pick who said the quote. Me, being a super-fan, I knew that I would be good at this one. However, there were several self-proclaimed super-fans in the house. I didn’t think Paul would put me on the block, not after all the shit we’d been through, but I knew that I couldn’t fully trust anyone but myself to keep me safe.

The first question eliminated all but three of us: Elena, Paul, and myself. I had no idea where Elena’s head was at. The drama with Christian had all but stopped my game in its tracks, so I hadn’t gotten around to socializing with anyone or talking game. Christian very well may have ruined my entire game. That wasn’t entirely true; I knew Christian wasn’t solely to blame. I’d put too much trust in Paul when I had told myself I wouldn’t. I knew what kind of player Paul was and that had nothing to do with what kind of person he could be. When we weren’t talking game, when he was taking care of me after Christian’s arrival, things were good. He was a good person. But when Paul was focused on the game, that was all he cared about. Winning. So while I had no idea what was going on in Elena’s head because of Christian, I also had no idea what was going on in Paul’s head because of my own naivety.

The next question eliminated Elena. That left Paul and I the only two standing. I ran a hand over my face. Of course it would come down to Paul and I. My stomach was in knots as I waited for Julie to read the next question. I wondered if Paul was as worried about having his Big Brother fate in my hands as I was to have mine in his. Probably not. Paul was good at this game, he was a manipulator. I wouldn’t be surprised if he made it to final two again.

Julie asked the final question and I breathed a sigh of relief. I knew the answer. I just hoped Paul didn’t know it as well. I locked in my answer and then literally crossed my fingers, eyes closed as I stared up to the Heavens or whatever was up there, praying someone or something let me have this. I deserved it after the week I had had.

“Congratulations, Sofia!” Julie said as I immediately started crying. “You are the new Head of Household!”

Alex had the key and placed it around my neck, giving me a quick hug afterwards. I hugged everyone except Raven, who clearly was really pissed at me about the whole Matt thing, and Paul, whom I wasn’t sure I wanted to be around anyway. I was so relieved that I would be safe for a few days.

This week was going to be played out differently, with nominations being today and the veto the next day, followed by the live eviction the next. I was technically only safe for three days, but that was better than wondering whether or not I would be going home this week. I had no idea who I was going to put on the block, and I only had one ally in the house―Matt―and I was sure that he would probably tell me what Paul told him to tell me, so I was alone in this. I would undoubtedly make a new enemy either way I went, so I figured I might as well get someone strong out.

I didn’t have long to think about my nominations. An hour after the HoH competition, I was standing in front of the house, the key block on the table in front of me. I was feeling pretty good about the two that I had chosen to put on the block this week. If one of them came down, I could always put up another strong player and send them home. I wasn’t really allied with anyone, aside from Matt, so I didn’t have to worry about stabbing anyone in the back. Then again, after these nominations, I might not even have Matt as an ally.

“This is the nomination ceremony,” I said, hands clasped in front of me. “As Head of Household, it is my duty to nominate two houseguests for eviction. In my nomination box are the keys of the houseguests I am nominating for eviction. I will turn two keys to lock in my nominations and their faces will appear on the memory wall. The first person I have nominated is…” I turned the first key and we all watched as Mark’s face appeared on the memory wall. “The second person I have nominated is…” I turned the second key, but didn’t look at the memory wall. Instead, I watched Matt’s face. It fell as Raven’s picture appeared on the wall. He looked at me, clearly surprised and probably feeling betrayed.

“I have nominated you, Mark, and you, Raven. Mark, this is simply a strategic move. You’re a strong player and a good competitor. Raven, this is a bit personal. You seem to have this idea that I want your boyfriend, and your snide looks are starting to piss me off, honestly. Maybe if you would just talk to me, you would know that Matt and I are just friends. Probably not even that anymore.” I took a deep breath. “Good luck to both of you in the veto competition. This nomination ceremony is adjourned.”

Matt approached me immediately, Raven on his heels. I didn’t really want to talk to him with her around. I’d already said what I wanted to say to Raven, and she had had ample opportunity to talk to me, but had instead chosen to simply glare. I wasn’t doing this with her, not here, not in front of everyone. And I knew that Matt was pissed, I had expected nothing less. I loved Matt, but I wasn’t going to spend whatever amount of time I had left in this house feeling uncomfortable anymore. I’d had enough of that when Christian was in the house.

“We can talk upstairs,” I told Matt. “Alone.” I shot Raven a look.

Matt rolled his eyes and shook his head, but motioned for me to lead the way. Raven started to follow anyway, but he told her to stay downstairs, that he would handle it. Upstairs in the HoH room, which wasn’t decorated with pictures of my family or anything, because I wouldn’t be the Head of Household very long, I closed the door after Matt. Neither of us sat, instead standing there, glaring at one another. I had no reason to be angry with him. Matt had been nothing but good to me since we’d started the game. But I was afraid of losing another of my close friends, the second in two days. So I was reflecting his anger because I didn’t want to show him just how afraid of losing him I was.

“Why Raven?” he asked me. “I thought you and I were close, Sofia.”

I sighed, keeping my arms crossed over my chest. “We are, Matt,” I said. “You know how much I just had to suffer with Christian here. How uncomfortable I was every second of every day that he was in this house. I don’t want to be uncomfortable anymore, Matt. And Raven, with her glares and her whispers and her passive-aggressive bullshit, makes me uncomfortable. You and I are friends. I shouldn’t have to worry about pissing her off every time I want to talk to my friend.”

Matt ran a hand over his face in exasperation. “Sofia, we were friends, but Raven and I are together. You know that I feel more for you, but you apparently only see Paul that way. That’s fine. But don’t take away the one person in this house that I do have.”

My heart dropped when Matt said that we _were_ friends. “The one person you have?” I said, trying to swallow the tears before he could see the effect his words were having on me. I shook my head. “Just go away.”

“Sof―”

“Go.”

Once Matt was gone, I wasn’t quite sure what to do with myself. The whole house was plainly against me now that I had put up Mark and Raven. I didn’t have Matt anymore, I didn’t have Paul. All I had was the knowledge that I would at least be getting out _someone_ worth it before I went home next week. That, or I would have to do some serious socializing and deal-making between now and then.

 


	14. Author's Note

Okay, so I've been debating discontinuing this story for a couple weeks and I've finally decided that that is the best option for me. Honestly, I just have lost all respect for Paul and the way he is playing the game this season. He's been racist and rude and just a bad person all around, in my opinion, and me not liking him in real life makes it difficult for me to write fanfiction about him. I thought about turning this around and making it a story about another cast member or even just changing Paul's personality in the story, but neither of those feel right. I don't really have any positive feelings towards any of the houseguests (except MAYBE Kevin) at this point. 

I hope you all respect my decision and maybe you can find a Paul story that suits your needs. 

Hopefully next season won't be full of twats and I can write a full story. 


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